Already Gone

I never really told you

How much I cannot bear

I never really thought

That you would actually care

 

I suffered through in silence

For so many years

I knew I’d be long gone

Before anybody hears

 

Hears my cries of anguish

As I cry throughout the night

Or sees the pain behind my eyes

As I fight this endless fight

 

I knew you could have seen it

I didn’t hide it well

I guess I had some wish

You’d help me as I fell

 

I couldn’t ask directly

I was too afraid to try

That’s why I’m now writing

My one and last goodbye

 

I just have to tell you

I had no other end

There was no way to help me

No matter what you lend

 

I fell for far too long

No longer in your reach

Happiness is something

That you just cannot teach

 

It may have ended different

If I was not alone

But the simple fact and truth

I was always on my own

 

I may have had a roof

Was rarely without food

But when it came to mental

What is it you conclude?

 

A person needs support

To know that someone’s there

They need to know there’s someone

That will truly care

 

I never had that person

Who offered me their hand

To stop me from falling

Before the brutal land

 

Instead I kept on falling

Going straight on through

Now I know my ending

Though I think I already knew

 

Don’t blame yourself for blindness

Or for an ear turned deaf

Don’t you blame yourself one second

For my untimely death

 

 

Even if you saw it

It would have been too late

Everybody dies

Early was just my fate

 

I am better off

Don’t morn me for too long

So I’ll say my last goodbye

Even though I’m already gone

 

 

A. Heimby

 

June 2, 2013